Good Manners

Image by Oleg Illarionov

When in community, be it an ensemble, classroom, rehearsal studio, or residency, good manners can be easily forgotten, due to time limitations, ruptures in communication, and outside interference. It is a value that, if we can uphold, makes our arts practice deeply rewarding. If we ever slip, we know it is our responsibility to address the issue. My colleagues and Mentors Sally St. George and Dan Wulff from Taos Institute see it like this:

…using manners reaffirms our basic human connectedness and interdependence3 despite the hierarchies that compose so much of our professional and personal lives…manners are a crucial part of the behavioural repertoire for the collaborative lifestyle (St. George & Wulff, 2007, p. 407).

Good manners include engaging with reflexive listening: we respectfully listen, we hear and then we speak in order to understand, rather than just waiting for hte otehr person to finish.

We begin with curiosity.

Harlene Anderson, another Taos Institute colleague and Mentor, talks about reflexive language as a way of being genuinely curious about the other and asking questions to ensure that you heard what the other personals needed you to hear (Anderson, 2003). We focus on what is working rather than what is not working. In therapeutic research, there appears to be little solid evidence to support the modernist contention that we need to examine the dysfunction or what is wrong to solve the presenting problem (Bertolino & O’Hanlon, 2002). I have built on this when working in group and one on one sessions, focusing and building on the strengths of the participants, rather than focusing on perceived weaknesses. It does not always work, because it takes both parties to agree that a collaborative conversation is needed. However, it is what we strive for within group pracitce.

May today be full of miracles for you.